Different

Sometimes I wish my life was different but is not. I wish for myself a different path, but I choose my path a while ago and now I can not go back, my legs are tired and I lost my energy on my way here. May be there are some things I would probably do different now, but it’s late for regrets. As much as I would like things to be different they are not. Is useless now to try to change a thing now.

Sometimes I try to lose my shadow, I desperately search for a way to get raid of my shadow, to get raid of the way I used to be, to never know what is it like to be different. Sometimes it works, mostly it doesn’t.

I find myself so many times in situations in which I can not say that I am myself. I rarely have moments of sobriety in which I regret that I am not the old me anymore, I cry but I am aware of the fact that I can not go back in time. A shadow of who I used to be I guess it will follow me for the rest of my life, no matter how much I will run away of it.

Sometimes, I ask myself why was it better the old me than the actual me? Why different in the past was better than the different now? I was different from the way I am now but now I am different from the way I used to be. Witch different is batter?

May be sometimes I try too much to understand myself, without any result. May be I should stop wondering and start living the life I have, the way I have it. May be I’m the same but everybody else has changed, may be…